


neptune (rain in may)

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Getting Together, Happily Ever After, Kind of cliche, M/M, Sexuality Crisis, the one where i try to sound cooler than i am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 08:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19081291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Fast, like falling, like one step off a cliff edge and he's not coming back, and he thinks maybe today is when he realises he loves Will.





	neptune (rain in may)

**Author's Note:**

> yeah i uh. enjoy.
> 
> also i listened to [THIS SONG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uC8lrXfSu8) a lot while writing this so maybe go give it a listen if u want
> 
> also i didnt really proofread this so like. soz if theres mistakes lmao

He realises he spends more time staring at Will than he should, and that’s kind of how it starts.

No one comments on it, no more than usual anyway. But George notices it, and he’s not sure what he’s supposed do about it. He’s not sure what he wants to do about it.

 

*~*

 

“Oi, Alex,” George says, mid-afternoon on a Saturday some time in late April,  rapping on his bedroom door. There’s a dull thud, which George suspects is Alex’s headphones dropping on his desk and then what sounds like a sharp jab at the space bar on his computer.

“Yeah, what?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” George asks, pushing the door open and leaning against the door jamb. “Won’t be long. Just have a question.’

Alex shrugs. “I’m all ears, then.”

George hums. “Do you think Will fancies me?” Because there’s not point prolonging the inevitable, and throwing caution to the wind is something George has become spectacularly good at.

Alex’s eyes widen microscopically. “Uh… I don’t know. What answer are you looking for here?”

George huffs out a breath. “I dunno. That’s kind of my problem here, mate. I think I like him.”

“Like, like-like?” Alex asks, stepping out from his desk and gesturing for George to sit on his bed. He does, and Alex joins him. “This your gay awakening, then?”

“I dunno,” he lets his head fall back and hit the wall. “I just don’t know. Was wonderin’ what you thought.”

“Well, I can’t tell you what you feel, mate. You’d be better off just talking to him about it,” Alex says. “It’s just Will, after all.”

“That’s embarrassing though,” George protests. “Just… I don’t know what I’m doing here, Al.”

“It’s the same as what you’d do if it was a girl, George, it’s not that different. He’s just got a cock instead.”

“Fuck off,” George groans, “you’re useless. What do I _do_?”

“You talk to him, you mong. Seriously,” Alex says, poking his shoulder. “If he doesn’t feel the same back, he’ll just take it as a joke and you’ll move on.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, George. It’s really not that different from dating a girl.”

“I guess so. I’m just nervous. I don’t even know if I’m gay.”

Alex sighs. “You don’t have to know. And you don’t have to be gay. It’ll only be a big thing if you make it one, right?”

“Right,” George says.

Alex grins, shoving at George’s shoulder. “That’s my boy. Go get ‘em, tiger.”

“Right now?!”

Alex giggles. “Whenever you want, mate. But better late than never.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Cheers, Al.”

“Anytime. Being the token gay friend has its merits, hm?”

“You might not be the token gay friend for much longer,” George sighs.

Alex nudges their knees together. “You reckon?”

“Fancying a boy is a bit gay, innit?”

“You’re not wrong there, G. Hey, if you’re done having your first sexuality crisis, fuck off, yeah? I’ve got a video to finish.”

“Alright, alright,” George says, standing up. “Thanks. What time are you gonna be done?”

“‘Bout seven?” Alex says. “Depends how long it takes to render.”

“Will invited us up for drinks and Fifa. If you wanted to go.”

“Sure,” Alex says, and George leaves then, trying to ignore Alex’s wolf whistle as he goes.

 

*~*

 

Will’s apartment is pretty similar to his and Alex’s. The bedrooms are in slightly different places, and the telly’s are different brands, and Will has a Gee instead of an Alex, but mostly they’re the same.

Will’s already got the Xbox on when Alex and George arrive, halfway through a match with James. Gee’s sitting on the floor at the end of the sofa and Fraser’s pottering around the kitchen, and they both glance up when George shuts the front door behind them.

“Drinks on the table, help yourself,” Gee says, gesturing vaguely with her phone. “I’m off out so don’t wreck the flat.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Will says, pausing the game. “Evening, lads.”

Alex waves, making his way to sit next to James on the couch. “Have fun, Gee.”

George watches Gee stand up and slip into painful looking heels, and then wobble out of the door before he moves to sit next to Will. Alex winks at him and grins and George flips him off.

“Trouble in paradise, then, boys?” James asks, nudging Alex.

Alex giggles, “Nah. George’s being difficult.”

“Fuck off am I,” George says defensively. “Thought you were s’posed to be my friend.”

“I am, mate, that’s what this is,” Alex says.

Will snorts. “”Friendship? Yeah, sure, Al. Don’t pick on George,” he says, looping an arm around his shoulders. George tries to ignore how his heart stops. “He’s only little, like.”

Alex grins again. “‘Course, you knight in shining armour, you.”

“Oi,” Will says, laughing, unpausing the game. He doesn’t move his arm from George’s shoulders though, instead playing one-handed and losing every time.

“You know, Will, maybe if you stopped hugging George, you’d score some goals,” Fraser says, coming in and sitting on a chair.

“I like the extra challenge,” Will says. George feels his heart being pulled in two directions: wanting Will to let go and never wanting him to.

“You’ll never win like that,” Alex points out.

“S’not all about winning, is it?” Will says. “Besides, bit rich coming from you, Al.”

“Cheers, mate,” Alex says.

“This rate, none of you’ll win,” James says, scoring again and setting the controller down triumphantly. “Case in point.”

“Yeah, ‘n’ look at me, mate. Got me arms around a cute boy, don’t I, so who’s the real winner?” Will says, pulling George even closer.

Alex laughs again, pulling out his phone. Will starts up another match and James hands the controller to Fraser.

George’s phone chimes.

 

_Alex_ : _you look like youre dying mate_

_Alex: and will defo fancies u_

 

_George: cheers_

_George: u think?_

 

_Alex: he looks at u the way u look at him n ill bet ten quid theres something there_

 

_George: youre not betting on my crush_

 

_Alex: ❤️_

 

“Someone’s popular,” Will remarks, nudging George’s knee.

George chuckles. “Yeah. Just... Youtube stuff.”

“Youtube stuff?” Will asks. “Reckon you should get me back on your channel. I haven’t been there for a month now, you’ll have to boost your views.”

“Totally,” George says. “Now, it’s funny. My revenue suffers every time you come on.”

“Nah, you’re joking. Proper PG, I am.”

“Keep telling yourself,” James says, reaching forward for a bottle of Coke. “Anyone else want any?”

“I’ll bite,” Alex says.

“I’m sure you will,” James replies, pouring two glasses. Will makes a gagging noise.

“No flirting under this roof, lads,” he teases, wagging a finger at James and Alex.

“What, so you’re allowed to and we’re not?” Alex asks.

“I pay the rent here, don’t I?” Will shrugs.

Alex just laughs, falling back and taking the glass from James. “Whatever you say, mate.”

“No need to sound so sceptical there, Al,” Will says. Fraser scores a goal on-screen and Alex whoops, nearly sloshing cola everywhere.

“Jesus-!” James narrowly avoids getting splashed, and shoves Alex off of his couch. “Go sit with Fraser if you’re gonna spill shit everywhere.”

Alex just laughs, crawling over to Fraser and sliding right into his lap. Fraser grumbles, but moves to accommodate him, complaining about how he blocks the TV screen.

“Nah, Alex, stay there,” Will says, talking over them, “stay there, stay there, stay there, stay there- yeah!”

George cheers and Will throws his hands in the air. The controller nearly hits him, but George can’t find it in himself to care. Fraser grumbles under his breath and Alex just laughs, shuffling over to free Fraser’s vision.

George catches James’ eye without meaning to and he smiles slightly at him. “Want anything, mate?” He asks, gesturing to the glasses on the table.

“I’m alright,” George says, “cheers.” He looks back up to Will, already engrossed in the game again. Fraser seems equally concentrated, but Alex seems to be doing his best to break either of their focus, so George throws one of the couch cushions at him.

Alex glares at him when the cushion collides. Will just laughs, and that’s more than enough.

 

*~*

 

“You know, the sooner you ask him, the sooner you can kiss him,” Alex says the morning after. George reckons he should be nursing a monster headache - James had managed to get a bit of drink into all of them, and Alex being both a people pleaser and a light weight had taken the brunt of it - but he seems far too chipper.

He watches Alex flick the kettle on and pull two mugs from the dishwasher. “How’s your hangover?” George asks, instead of acknowledging what Alex said.

“No idea what you mean,” Alex says, “Yours?”

George shrugs. Lies, “Not bad. Will’s bringing Paracetamol down ‘cos someone had the last of it and didn’t put it on the shopping list.”

“No idea who that could be,” Alex muses, obviously smiling. George can hear it in his voice. The kettle finishes boiling and Alex sets about preparing two cups of coffee. George hums, just watching him. “Didn’t think Will’d be awake this early.”

“It’s eleven,” George says. “Not that early, mate.”

“Mm,” Alex replies. “You should ask him out today.”

“I can’t ask him out when we’re both fucking hungover, Al.”

“Who says?”

“I have more self respect than that,” George says. “And he does too. I’ll… I don’t know when I’ll tell him. If ever.”

Alex nods like he doesn’t believe him. “‘Course, mate. Here,” he hands over the second mug of coffee and takes a sip of his own. “I’m going to Marriott’s to film some stuff later, so you’ll have the flat to yourself.”

George groans. “It’s just a _crush,_ Alex. And I told you, like, yesterday. I’m not gonna do anything about it so soon.”

“Oh, totally, mate,” Alex says. He winks, and before George can say anything, disappears back to his room.

George wraps his fingers around the coffee mug and thuds his head onto the counter. The mug is almost too hot, enough so that holding it hurts almost too much. He listens to the blood rush through his ears, and then to Will opening and closing the front door.

“Got the pills,” he announces, dropping them next to George’s head. “That bad, is it?”

“No,” George says, muffled. “Yes? I don’t know. Thanks.”

Will huffs a laugh. “No problem, mate. Reckon you should let go of that mug, though. I can see your hands burning from here.”

“Doesn’t hurt,” George says, but he lets go anyway, sitting up and looking at Will.

“Sure it doesn’t,” Will says. “Your hands aren’t red at all.”

George looks at his hands, frowning. “Oh.”

“Where’s Al, then? I’ll go load him up with Paracetamol,” Will says.

“Sounds like you’re fueling our drug habits,” George says. “He’s in his room.”

“That’d only work if you had drug habits before I came around,” Will teases. He picks up the painkillers and heads off to Alex’s room.

He looks remarkably put together for someone who spent the majority of last night playing drinking games with very enabling friends. Wearing ripped skinny jeans, some band t-shirt that George doesn’t recognise, and a black cap with a red logo, Will doesn’t look at all like he’s got a hangover.

Just his luck, befriending people who are apparently gods when it comes to putting away alcohol. George sighs, blowing steam across the top of his mug. He probably drank the least out of the lot of them, too. He picks up the coffee and takes a sip that burns the taste buds from his tongue before standing up and filling a glass of water.

He sets the glass next to the coffee, and the rests his head next to the glass, staring directly at Alex’s door.

Will appears back, closing the door behind him and smiling sympathetically. “Really that bad, then?”

George just groans. “Dunno why. Never normally this bad, and I didn’t even drink that much.”

“Mm,” Will hums, popping out two pills from the foil. “Here, sit up.” He tips them into George’s hand and sits back at the counter, watching George grimace.

“Hate swallowing pills,” George says.

“Hate hangovers more, though.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he says, swallowing them both with a big gulp of the water and then sighing “Thanks for bringing them over.”

“Anytime, mate. Gotta support the lads, eh?”

George hums a laugh. “Guess so.”

“I’ll leave you two to recover, then,” Will says. “Here, you can keep these.” He slides the Paracetamol onto the countertop. “Drink lots of water, yeah?”

“Yes, mum,” George says obediently.

Will nudges his ankle with his foot. “Just tryin’ to look after you.”

“Yeah. Thanks. See you later?”

“‘Course,” Will says. “Tell Alex to text me later, yeah?”

George frowns. “What for?”

“Need his help for a video,” Will says, “and if no one reminds him, he’ll never do it.”

“Sure,” George says, frowning slightly. “Alright.”

“Cheers, mate,” Will says, letting himself out.

George is left alone, playing with the Paracetamol box and watching steam curl up from the coffee. Sun shines in through the windows, even though neither of them have pulled the blinds open yet. It casts slotted beams on the sofa, and George just sits and stares at them.

 

*~*

 

The next Friday is a rainy one, but Will drags him, Alex, and James out anyway. He leads the way to a club that George, personally, thinks he’s hyping up just to get them to go, but running after Will in rain-soaked streets is kind of enjoyable anyway.

He’s chatting away, saying words that George can barely even hear, spinning around in the rain. It slides through his hair, matting it to his forehead, and when Will spreads his arms out, it drips off of his fingertips too. George just laughs, and it kind of cancels out the cold set deep in his bones.

“What are you laughing at?” Will shouts across the road. He’s on the opposite side of a traffic light crossing, grinning at George. Alex and James are lagging behind, lost in their own little world.

“You,” George says, not yelling, waiting for the lights to change to green and he crosses. “Always you.”

“Why’re you laughing at me for?” Will asks, slipping his arm into George’s. His jacket is soaked, and it spreads onto George’s own but he doesn’t think he cares.

“‘Cos you look ridiculous. Like you’re in some kind of cheesy romantic musical film,” George says.

“Who says I’m not?” Will says, and then he breaks into a dramatic rendition of ‘A Whole New World’ from Aladdin and George just laughs harder. He joins in when Will gestures for him to sing Jasmine’s part, and Will smiles bigger, spinning down the street, grabbing George’s hand and dragging him along too.

“You’re not even drunk yet!” Alex yells from behind them, and Will holds up his middle finger with a wide grin.

He morphs into ‘How Far I’ll Go’ from Moana and George joins in seamlessly, until Will composes an entirely original mashup of various Disney songs and George doesn’t quite know what he’s singing anymore.

He supposes it doesn’t make much difference, so he hums along as best he can and watches Will whirl through the rain. It’s almost better than clubbing, until Will stops suddenly and grins over at him triumphantly.

“Told you I could remember how to get here!” He announces. “Alex, James! We’re here!”

“Fucking finally,” James says, unlooping his fingers from Alex’s. George pretends not to notice. “I’m drenched.”

“We all are,” Alex grumbles. “And cold.”

“Stop complaining,” Will says, pushing open the door, “Bet you’ll be glad you came out.”

George is hit with a blast of stale, alcohol infused air and loud, blasting music. It’s familiar in probably the best way, and Will leads the way in.

“See!” He shouts over the music. “I said it’s cool!”

“It just looks like a club, Will,” James says.

“Oh, stop it,” Will says. “Get a drink in you and then see, hm?”

James makes a face, but Alex pulls him over to the bar anyway, and then George is left with Will grinning at him.

“Come on, then,” Will says. “Let’s dance.”

So they do.

 

*~*

 

George kisses Will that night, lost in a bassline that beats out of time, infused with vodka and tequila and lime slices. Will’s hands are cold on his cheeks, and he kind of has to stand on his tiptoes, but it doesn’t matter, because his lips are warm, and George’s brain feels all smokey and it’s the best feeling he’s ever had.

So he kisses Will again, and Will kisses back, and then they sit at the bar and drink each other’s cocktails, and watch Alex and James, and everyone else, and watch all the other hearts beating in and out of time.

George reckons he’ll never forget this, even if that is just an overly hopeful, drunken thought.

 

*~*

 

George wakes up on the couch, in clothes that still feel like they’re soaked in rain water. He groans and squeezes his eyes shut. The blinds are still open, and sunlight streams through the windows. The light aggravates whatever hangover beast he acquired from last night.

He sighs, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone, checking the time and then swiping up to a text from Alex.

 

_Alex: u know u kissed him last nite right_

 

_George: yh_

 

_Alex: have u talked to him abt it?_

 

_George: no i just woke up mate_

 

_Alex: dont u thikn u should u_

 

_George: probably_

_George: but i dont want to bring it up if he doesnt remember_

 

_Alex: ffs u wont know what he remembers if u dont bring it up mate_

 

_George: yh ig_

 

_Alex: u need to tell him george mate_

_Alex: thisll wreck u i know it will_

_Alex: just talk to him_

_Alex: u need to_

 

_George: i know al_

_George: just dont wanna make things awkward_

 

_Alex: made things awkward when u kissed our mate didnt u_

_Alex: im kidding_

_Alex: but really tho_

 

_George: cheers_

 

_Alex: ill be at james all day if u want to invite him round the flat_

 

_George: right_

 

_Alex: u will talk to him right george_

 

_George: yeah totally_

 

_Alex: george_

 

_George: i will al_

 

_Alex: make sure u do_

_Alex: i dont want this to ruin either of u_

_Alex: txt me when u do yea_

_Alex: lmk if i need to bring any booze back james got this fuck off huge bottle of rum from some of his uni friends if u fancy any_

 

_George: thx for the vote of confidence there_

 

_Alex: i live to serve xx_

_Alex: it’ll b fine mate_

_Alex: who knows might get u a boyfriend out of it_

 

_George: fuck off al_

 

_Alex: not very nice_

 

George doesn’t reply, closing the message thread with Alex and opening Twitter. He scrolls through his feed for a few minutes, playing a video of a dog that comes up on his timeline and liking a couple of tweets from friends.

He breathes out through his nose and closes the app, opening up a message thread with Will and staring at the keyboard for a few seconds.

 

_George: cheers for last night_

_George: hows ur hangover_

 

_Will: not bad mate urs_

 

_George: feel like ive got satan having a dance party in my skull lol_

_George: hope u know i fully blame u for it_

 

_Will: fairs_

_Will: ill take blame for it then_

 

_George: how much do u remember from last night_

 

_Will: not much tbh thats how u know u had a good time_

_Will: disney songs, rain, that radioactive looking margherita james ordered_

 

_George: lol_

 

_Will: and kissing u_

_Will: and id like to kiss u again so im glad i remember that_

_Will: if thats alright with u_

 

_George: youre not joking?_

_Will: about which part_

_Will: remembering kissing u or wanting to kiss u again_

_George: both?_

_Will: both true then_

_Will: bloody awkward now if u dont remember that too lol_

 

_George: no i remember_

_George: i think i want to kiss u again too_

_George: didnt know u were gay_

 

_Will: dunno if i am tbf_

_Will: didnt know u were_

 

_George: idk if i am either_

_George: been talking to alex about it_

_George: hes been nagging me to tell u since i told him_

 

_Will: you pining that much? im flattered_

 

_George: shut up_

 

_Will: alright_

_Will: ur serious abt wanting to kiss me again then?_

 

_George: y wouldnt i be_

 

_Will: dunno mate_

_Will: dont really know what im doing_

 

_George: me neither_

_George: Alex said its just like dating a girl though so_

_George: cant be too hard right alex has done it_

 

_Will: got a point there_

_Will: can i come down_

 

_George: yeah_

_George: alex is at james wont be back till later_

 

_Will: wont be a sec then_

_Will: reckon him and james are shagging like_

 

_George: probably_

 

_Will: funny how those things work out_

_Will: outside open ur door_

 

George locks his phone and rolls off the couch, swallowing down his nerves. It’s just Will, he tells himself. Just Will. Just Will who wants to kiss him.

He opens the door and that’s kind of that.

 

*~*

 

Alex comes home with a wine-drunk grin and a hickey the size of Texas. He’s happy and tipsy, and seeing George and Will curled up on the sofa makes him smile. “Evening,” Alex whispers, even though it’s more like regular speaking, and then he giggles.

“Christ, Al,” Will says, “where the fuck’d you get that monster?”

Alex trails his fingers over the side of his neck and blushes. “I was at James’s. He says hi.”

“Mm,” is all George says. There’s nothing else to say, really. “S’long as you used protection.”

Will huffs a laugh that George feels blow across his forehead. Alex makes a face but George can see he’s joking.

“Yeah, thanks, George,” Alex says. “I’m goin’ to bed. Don’t stay up too late, yeah?”

“‘Course,” George says. “Night.”

Will lifts his hand and waves, and once Alex has gone, he puts his hand in George’s hair so casually that George barely even feels into.

“So,” Will starts, like he wants to say something, but he says it like he’s holding all the secrets of the universe and nothing matters except the two of them.

He doesn’t finish the sentence for another minute, and they sit in an unquiet sort of silence that feels both too heavy and too light.

“So?” George prompts after a while. It’s one word and yet feels like his entire body is being turned inside out for all to see.

“So,” Will repeats, quiet and deafening all at the same time. “Are we going to talk about this?”

“About what?”

“About… us?

George hums. “I want to kiss you. You want to kiss me. What else is there?”

“Are we kissing as mates or as… something else?” Will asks, looking at him like he can see into his soul. George thinks maybe he could. He thinks maybe he’d let him.

“What do you want it to be?” George says. “Doesn’t have to be anything.”

“Do you want it to be nothing?” Will asks, earnestly.

“I want it to be something,” he admits. “I think you do too.”

“How’d you figure that, then?”

“You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t want it to be anything.”

Will breathes out through his nose. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”

“I do want to kiss you, though,” George says again, quiet like he’s not sure what he’s saying even though he’s never been more sure of anything. “We can worry about everything else tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is a long way away,” Will whispers. “Like, really far.”

“Getting closer all the time,” George tells him, and then Will kisses him and nothing else matters for a while

 

*~*

 

Alex smiles at him like he knows the next morning. He probably does, George reasons, and that doesn’t bother him. Alex doesn’t say anything about it until both of them have had something that resembles breakfast, and George is washing plates in the sink when he hears Alex tapping away on his phone behind him.

“So,” Alex says, sounding like he knows everything and nothing at the same time. “What happened with Will?”

George shrugs, not turning around even though he’s not got any plates left to clean. “He came over. We kissed. You came back, we kissed again. What more is there?”

“Well, are you together-together? Or like, friends with benefits? Or just mates who kiss each other?” Alex asks. “There’s a lot more there.”

George shrugs. “Dunno.”

“How do you not know?”

“We didn’t talk about it,” George says. “It doesn’t matter. We just kiss, and we exist, and I like that.”

“But don’t you want more?” Alex pushes.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I mind, Al.”

“And here you were, panicking because you fancied him,” Alex says. “If only it were that easy.”

George just mumbles something in response. He doesn’t quite know what he said, but Alex seems to get it because he puts a hand on George’s shoulder and says, “You can talk to me if you need to.”

Then he switches the telly on, and George sits on the couch with him, and they watch ‘Antiques Roadshow’ for an hour and a half, until Will texts and Alex jerks awake from where he’s dozing on George’s shoulder.

 

_Will: fancy going out for lunch_

_Will: ill pay take u out on the town_

_Will: george?_

 

_George: sorry alex was being a cunt and bothering me_

_George: ‘george george is that will is that wiiiiiiiill ooooooo’ its like hes seven years old_

 

Alex glares at him over the phone screen.

 

_Will: lol_

_Will: so lunch?_

 

_George: why not where we going_

 

_Will: dunno wherever u want_

 

_George: did u even think past asking me for lunch_

 

_Will: not really_

_Will: go to spoons?_

 

_George: and they say romance is dead_

 

_Will: shut up_

_Will: ill come by in ten mins then_

 

_George: kay_

_George: ignore anythin alex says to u im freezing him out til he stops being a cunt_

 

_Will: lol got it cu soon_

 

*~*

 

“Is that Will?” Alex says, as soon as the door goes. “Took him long enough to get here, he’s only upstairs,” he continues, “Can’t believe you’re going on a date and I’m not.”

“You call Wetherspoons a date?” George asks, opening the door.

Will makes a face at him from the doorstep. “You _don’t_ call Wetherspoons a date?”

“I have standards, so no” Alex says breezily. “If you’re off out, I’m going to James. Text when you’re coming home.”

Will whistles suggestively at him.

“Alright,” George says. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Same for you, then,” Alex says. “Feel a bit like a parent sending you off to prom. Can’t believe my little Georgie’s going on a date. Don’t ruin his innocence, Will.”

“It’s a not-date,” George says, exasperated but not really. “And I can look after myself.”

“‘Course you can, big man George Memeulous,” Will teases. “We’ll see you later, Al.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex says and George doesn’t let him say any more, shutting the door behind them.

Will grins at him in the hallway. “A not-date, then?”

“Shut up. It’s just to get him off my back,” George says, cheeks flushing pink. He shrugs, “can be a date if you want.”

“Do _you_ want?” Will asks instead.

George inhales. Exhales. Inhales again. Says, “yeah. I think so.”

Will’s grin turns softer, smoother. Less like he’s smiling, more like he’s just happy.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Can’t believe our first date will be a Wetherspoons,” he says, and then everything is kind of broken but fixed at the same time and George starts laughing, and he can’t stop. He doesn’t think he wants to stop.

And then Will joins in, and somehow they get themselves to the ‘Spoons down the road, and Will orders them beers and chips and scoops of ice cream. Then they argue over the bill until George manages to distract him long enough to pay it and Will glares at him like he loves him.

“I said I would pay,” Will says, petulantly.

George just shrugs. “You’ll have to pay next time, then.”

“Next time?”

“Yeah,” George says. “If you want a next time.”

“‘Course I want a next time. Didn’t think you would, though.”

“Why not?”

Will makes a face. “Dunno. Just never thought you’d enjoy… this.”

“What do you mean?” George asks. “I’d have told you if I wasn’t enjoying it.”

“Yeah,” Will says. “I dunno. This feels familiar and new at the same time, right? I don’t know what we’re doing here.”

“That’s half the fun,” George says, and it sounds like something Alex would say. He’s not sure if he believes it, if he believes it yet, but he says it anyway and that has to count for something.

“The road to self discovery is a long one,” Will says, sounding like he’s quoting something but George doesn’t know what. He smiles though, his eyes melting into George’s until he can’t tell the difference, and that makes up for it.

 

*~*

 

They’re all living separate lives, George decides, mid May when its too cold to be hot but too hot to be cold and rain drips down the windows. Lives that are each others and their own, because they all sort of live in each others pockets.

Alex and James, and James and Fraser, Alex and Fraser, Alex and Will, and James and Will, and Will and Fraser, and George kind of struggles to fit into the hole they’ve had carved out for him.

Because there’s Will and him, and Alex and him, James and him, Fraser and him, but there’s not him and all of them the way there’s them and all of them.

He’s not quite sure if it’s even explainable, because he can’t make sense of it. If there even is an ‘it’ to make sense of.

It’s just feeling ostracized from himself, George decides. Like he can’t fit into himself, even though the jigsaw pieces are shaped right. He’s not sure he likes it.

He sits cross legged in the middle of his bed, staring off into space. Alex brings him a cup of tea and a plate of toast - for dinner, George supposes, but he lets them both go cold without realising it. He knows Alex won’t talk about it unless he brings it up, and he thinks he probably should.

At least tell someone something, before he sections himself off from everyone for no obvious reason. He’s not even sure if there _is_ a reason, because things are supposed to be good.

Because Will is good, and Alex is too, and James and Fraser by proxy, and Gee, and Will’s friends and Alex’s friends and James’s friends from uni. They’re all good, and George supposes that makes him good too, but he doesn’t feel it.

Loving Will is like a storm, he realises, when the sunset becomes night. Fast, like falling, like one step off a cliff edge and he’s not coming back, and he thinks maybe today is when he realises he loves Will.

He thinks he loves Will.

 

*~*

 

He wakes up, which means he must have fallen asleep. There’s a pint of water on the bedside table and a pink post-it from Alex, scribbled in blue biro. George didn’t even know they had a blue biro.

_gone to james again, filming videos. if u need me just txt yeah ill be home by 4:30 and we’ll go out for dinner and have a catch up. for people who live together we never talk do we. kisses, alex_

It makes George smile, so he picks up his phone and sends off a text.

 

_George: we never talk because ur always at james cunt_

 

_Alex: ah so ur awake_

_Alex: how do u feel u looked really ill when i left that note earlier_

 

_George: ill?_

 

_Alex: yeah like pale and gross and sickly. u eaten breakfast yet cause u should do that_

 

_George: not yet_

_George: i feel fine tho but thx for the concern_

 

_Alex: just so u kno will is very worried abt ur potetnial illness so u might want to text him_

 

_George: how on earth does will know u think im sick_

 

_Alex: cause we all worry abt u mate_

_Alex: youve been distant lately_

_Alex: ill talk to u later tho ill buy u a nandos_

 

_George: alright_

_George: have fun with james ;)_

 

Alex sends back the middle finger emoji, which makes George smile. He closes their message thread, opens Will’s and taps out a message.

 

_George: al said u were worried abt me_

 

_Will: he said u looked like u were dying in ur bed this morning_

 

_George: lol i wish_

_George: i feel fine tho so dw_

 

_Will: if ur sure_

_Will: lmk if theres anything i can do i hate the thought of u being sick_

 

_George: sweet of u_

 

_Will: s’what im sposed to do isnt it_

_Will: be sweet_

_Will: we’re officially unofficial now so ive gotta try a bit harder_

 

_George: officially unofficial??_

 

_Will: yeah_

_Will: give us a week and we’ll progress to officially official_

 

_George: what happens after that_

 

_Will: then its just official, and then everyone gets sick of us_

 

_George: oh great cant wait for it_

 

_Will: didnt think so_

_Will: alex tell u he was at james?_

 

_George: yh he left me a fuxking note_

_George: like we’re in year 7 again lmao_

 

_Will: he exceeds expectations that man_

_Will: got to email some oeople now tho so ill text u later_

 

_George: okay_

_George: ttyl_

 

_Will: kiss kiss_

 

He leaves Will on read, mostly because his brain is turned upside down and he’s suddenly tired, like exhaustion set deep in his bones. He considers going back to sleep until Alex gets home, and before he thinks twice about it, his eyes are closing.

 

*~*

 

George wakes up to Alex lying next to him on his bed, and he can’t remember falling asleep. Alex sits up when he notices George stirring, crossing his legs.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” George says. “How long have you been back?”

“Twenty minutes, give or take,” Alex shrugs. “You sure you’re feeling okay?”

“Hundred percent,” George says. “I just… fell asleep.”

Alex hums, disbelievingly. “Do you just want to stay in, then? If you’re falling asleep in the afternoon.”

“Don’t mind.”

“Mm,” Alex says and conversation kind of falls off. Alex picks at the seam of his jeans and George watches the ceiling.

“So how’re things with Will?” Alex asks eventually. “‘Cos I wasn’t joking when I said I wanted to catch up with you. It really does feel like you’ve dropped off the face of the Earth.”

George shrugs. “It’s alright, I think. Still don’t know what we’re calling it. Dunno what I’m calling myself either.”

“Is this why you’re all mopey?” Alex asks, “Cause you don’t know who or what you are anymore?”

“I’m not mopey,” George says. “And I don’t think it matters to me who or what I am. Just wanna know where I fit in, and to find that, I have to know.”

“Not necessarily,” Alex says.

“Would certainly make it easier.”

Alex pokes George’s thigh with his toe. “There are always gonna be ways things are easier. Doesn’t mean that’s the way they are, though. And we just have to deal with it. But you don’t have to deal with it alone, mate. So talk to me,” he says, “‘Cause I think we both need it.”

“Yeah,” George says, quietly. He feels like he’s whispering secrets he shouldn’t. “I just don’t know where I fit in anymore.”

“Fit in where?”

“With you lot. ‘Cause you have James, and James has Fraser, and Will has you all,” George says. “Maybe I’m jealous.”

“Of what?” Alex asks.

“Dunno. Guess it’s just a thing,” he says, but even as he says it, George knows its mostly a lie. Because it’s not just a thing. “Things are changing, Al.”

“They don’t have to change,” Alex says.

“Yeah, they do,” George sighs. “They always do. It’s only been, like, two weeks since I kissed Will in the club and already I’m having a mental breakdown over it.”

“Gotta be some kind of record,” Alex says.

“Yeah, very funny. Are things supposed to move this quickly?”

“What do you mean things? Like, relationship things?” Alex shrugs. “Depends on the relationship, mate, on the people, on yourselves, everything. I’m no relationship guru, George. Just trying my best, cause I can’t do anything else.”

“You and James-“

“Me and James work because we talk, and we love each other and we know we love each other, mate. It’s not a matter of knowing ourselves. It’s knowing that whatever happens, he’ll be there for me, it’s knowing I can trust him and love him and have that in return. Doesn’t matter who we are,” Alex says. “S’why you need to talk to Will. Properly talk to him. ‘Cause you love him, don’t you?”

He words it like a question, but it’s not. George knows it’s not.

“Yeah,” he says, feeling his world shatter a little bit more. “Yeah, I do.”

“Yeah,” Alex hums. “He’s good for you, I reckon. When you’re not destroying yourself over the specifics.”

“I’m not destroying myself-“

“You’re not doing anything good to yourself,” Alex tells him. “Not from my perspective, or our perspective.”

“Our?”

“We all worry about you,” Alex says, instead of answering. George supposes it’s answer enough. “And you’ve been, you know, off lately. So we worry. James and Will and all of us.”

George exhales audibly. “You don’t have to.”

“Yeah, we do. Besides,” Alex continues. “I said it didn’t have to be a big thing if you didn’t want it to, but that’s not always how it turns out. Sometimes it’s a big thing whether you want it to be or not. It’s not easy, but we’re all here for you. When you want us.”

“Cheers, Al,” George says, breathing out a laugh that isn’t a laugh. “Sorry for making you worry.”

“You don’t need to be,” Alex says. “We’d worry even if we didn’t need to, and you’d do the same for us, right?”

“Right.”

“So don’t apologise. We’re your friends, George, we’re kind of supposed to worry.”

“I still feel bad,” George mutters. “This is stupid. Everyone else has it figured out, so why don’t I?”

“Because identity is a fluid scale? Because you’re still learning things, because finding yourself out isn’t a straight line?” Alex says, “Sometimes it’s one step forward, two steps back, mate. But it won’t be forever. You’re just trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense yet.”

George groans. “But they make sense to everyone else.”

“I guarantee they don’t.”

“Seem to make sense to you,” he says, kind of accusational but mostly not.

Alex laughs. “I’m just a super genius, and am really good at pulling bullshit out of my ass. Sometimes things make sense, sometimes they don’t.”

“That’s stupid,” George says.

“It is a bit,” Alex says. “It’s really stupid.”

“Just wanna know what I am,” he sighs. “Wanna know what picture I’m painting here.”

“I know, mate,” Alex says, voice overflowing with sympathy. “It’ll be alright, in the end.”

“Hope so,” George says, like he’s not going to say any more. Alex seems to pick up on it, because he lies down next to him again and that’s where they stay for a while, just sort of lying and thinking of impossible things.

 

*~*

 

He doesn’t realise they fell asleep until he wakes up, eyes blinking open to the sunrise. It’s not the ideal time to wake up, George thinks, but he supposes it’s better than screwing up his sleep schedule more than it already is.

Alex is still asleep, curled into a loose ball on top of the blankets. His cheeks are flushed a sleepy kind of pink, and George doesn’t want to wake him up, so he slides off of the bed slowly and leaves Alex there.

The sunrise casts pale pink and orange stripes across the room, making everything look sort of soft and dreamlike. Like he’s floating in candy floss. It’s disorientating but in a good way, he thinks.

George busies himself flicking the kettle on and setting out a mug and fixing a cup of tea. He sends Will a text while he waits for the kettle to boil, taking note of the time and realising that Will’ll probably be asleep, but that can’t stop him from spilling words out of his fingertips.

 

_George: u wanna come over today_

_George: think we should talk finally_

_George: had a chat with alex but i think im ready_

_George: sorry it took me so long_

_George: but i really love u and i want this to work out_

_George: love u_

 

_Will: what on earth are u doing up_

_Will: and i love u too stupid_

_Will: take as long as u want_

 

_George: just woke up why are u awake_

_George: u should come over now_

 

_Will: something to do with getting six texts in a row probably_

_Will: are u sure its fucking half four_

 

_George: im sure_

_George: make u a cup of tea?_

 

_Will: u drive a hard bargain_

_Will: fine_

_Will: give me two minutes_

 

_George: okay_

 

Will doesn’t reply, so George locks his phone and waits for him to arrive. Which doesn’t take long, it never does, and it feels like it takes just one breath to the next till George is pulling the door open to Will standing there.

“Hi,” he whispers, grinning a mile wide. The yellow-pink-orange of the sun suits him, George thinks. Makes him look sort of… ethereal. In a way that George knows he doesn’t deserve.

“Hi,” George whispers back. Everything feels intangible in the morning, in the crossover between night and day. It feels like he could break something with just one breath, like one word would send everything crumbling down.

Maybe it would. George decides he’s had enough with broken things.

“You alright then?” Will asks. “Alex was right. You look tired.”

“I’m okay,” George says, feeling more like he’s telling the truth now. “I’m okay now.”

Will’s eyes turn up at the corners. “Good. You said you wanted to talk?”

“Yeah. I- yeah. Okay.”

George breathes out a rush of hot air, suddenly feeling all of his words wash away. He knows what he wants to say, but not how, and it feels almost like a wave lapping at his brain, pulling everything ever so slightly out of reach. The longer he leaves it, the further it gets, until it’s floating out to space and he’s going too.

“George?” Will prompts.

“Y- yeah. I, um, I like you-“

“I like you too,” Will interrupts. “Haven’t we already covered this bit?”

“Shut up. I… really like you. Like, a lot,” George says. “A lot, a lot.”

Will doesn’t speak, waiting for him to finish.

“And I just sort of want to hug you a bit. And kiss you again. And just kind of… love you,” he says, all in a rush. Like these are words he’s been waiting for forever, like he’s finally able to breathe again, no longer choking. “Because I do. Love you. Like, properly love you.”

Will’s face melts into a soft looking smile. “You fucking melt.”

George blushes, high in his cheeks. “Fuck off if you’re going to make fun of me. I’m baring my heart to you.”

“Yeah, yeah. So this is what you realised, then?” Will asks. “That you like blokes?”

“That I like _you_.”

“Good thing I like you back then, isn’t it,” Will says, like it’s obvious. Like he expected George to know. George decides to kiss him like it doesn’t matter. Because it doesn’t. Not anymore.

 

*~*

 

Alex stirs eventually. George hears him just after the sun has changed from pink to orange to midmorning golden, shuffling about his room. He listens to his chest of drawers open and close, and then watches the handle of his door push down and the door pull back.

Alex steps out, looking still half asleep, dressed in one of the old ‘Memeulous’ hoodies and the same jeans he fell asleep in. He does a double take when he sees Will and George on the sofa, tangled up in each other's limbs.

“Oh- Uh… do you need me to leave?”

George flushes. “No. Just… morning, Al.”

Will smiles over George’s head. “Nice to see you. Feels like I haven’t in ages.”

“Not been that long,” Alex says, almost defensively. “What’s, uh, what’s going on with you two, then? Do I need to deliver a shovel talk yet or…?”

“Absolutely not,” is George’s impulse response before he even processes Alex’s previous question. “And we’re… well. I guess…”

“Boyfriends,” Will says, sounding smug as anything.

“Oh, fucking finally, then,” Alex says. “Took you long enough. See, George, didn’t I say? You owe me ten quid.”

“I told you we’re not betting on this,” George says. “That renders this null, you’re just a money hungry prick.”

Will giggles. “You two bet on this? Why am I not surprised?”

“Because Alex is very predictable,” George says. “He’s not really got much else going for him, so it’s very memorable.”

“Oh, fuck off. This is no way to treat your wingman,” Alex says. “You wouldn’t even have had this conversation if not for me.”

“We’d have got there eventually,” Will disagrees

“I just pushed you along the way,” Alex says, all triumphant and full of himself. “So you’re welcome. Have either of you eaten yet?”

George shakes his head. “We had tea.”

“That it?” Alex frowns. “Come on. Get dressed - properly dressed - and we’ll go for brunch. Get everyone along. It’s time we went out all of us together, anyway.”

“Right now?” George asks.

“No time like the present, is there?” Alex says. “Come on.”

 

*~*

 

They meet James and Fraser at a little family owned cafe down the road, and it’s not so much brunch as it is elevenses. George makes sure to tell Alex so, and Alex responds by nearly shoving him into the road.

Will grabs onto his forearm to stop him falling and doesn’t let go until they find a table to sit at. George pretends like he hates it, but he’d rather Will doesn’t let go at all.

He sits next to Will, perhaps subconsciously but he doesn’t think so. Alex sits at the head of the table, looking far too smug for his own good.

“Stop looking so accomplished,” Will says, reaching over George to poke Alex.

Alex grins at him. “Why? I got you all out the house, _and_ I got George to smile.”

“What?” George asks, head jerking up. “Why do I need to smile? I smile loads.”

“‘Cause seeing you miserable makes us miserable,” Alex says. “And you haven’t smiled much recently, mate.”

“That’s a total lie, Al, I’ve smiled loads.”

“Real smiles,” Alex says, looking at him with eyes full of sympathy. George feels like he’s drowning in it. “Not just those ‘stop worrying about me, I’m fine,’ smiles.”

“But I am fine, and you do need to stop worrying about me,” George says, almost like he’s sulking.

Will puts an arm around his shoulders, pulling George into him. “‘S’alright. Alex only means that it’s nice seeing you happy,” he says.

“Mm,” George says in acknowledgement.

“And it is nice seeing you happy, mate,” James says. “Alex said you haven’t been feeling great the past few days.”

“I’ve been feeling fine,” George says, glaring at Alex accusationally. “You lot just worry too much.”

“I already told you, we’re your friends,” Alex says. “It’s what friends do=”

“Are you guys ready to order?” A waitress interrupts. She looks young, blonde curls pulled into a ponytail, almost perfect skin, freckles and blue eyes. Pretty, George thinks. Or at least, in some sense.

“Yeah,” George says, if only to get Alex to stop whatever he’s doing. “I’ll have, uh, black coffee and a cheese and ham toastie. Thanks.”

He tunes out while everyone else orders, focusing on the weight of Will’s arm on his shoulders, his fingers fiddling with the end of his sleeve. He looks to his right and studies Will’s profile, the round of his glasses and the sharpness of his jaw. The soft curl of his hair, the slant of his nose. The sun streaming through the window, casting shadows that look almost alien across his face.

George doesn’t know what to think about it. But Will is pretty, and he doesn’t know what to do with that. Will is pretty, and he thinks maybe there’s no more to it.

“You okay?” Will asks quietly, nudging him.

George nods. “Yeah. Fine.”

“Really?”

“Really, really,” he confirms. “Really.”

Will’s smile is worth it. “Good.”

George can feel Alex watching them. Can feel him frowning at them like he’s trying to figure them out, like he’s trying to understand a language he doesn’t speak. Maybe he is, George supposes. He looks over to catch his eye, but Alex is looking at James when he turns, and George imagines that this must be what looking at him and Will is like.

It sets his heartbeat slightly on edge, but he thinks it’s okay. They’re telling different stories to different people. It’s an odd realisation to have, George decides.

Their food appears at some point, George isn’t sure when. It’s not there one minute, and there the next, which is how a lot of things tend to go for him. He ought to be used to it.

He watches Alex swirl sugar into his coffee for him and smiles over gratefully. He’s got his hand resting in James’s on the table, and George supposes he should have noticed this from a mile off. They’re not exactly subtle, not anymore.

“Reckon we ought to get Fraser a girlfriend now,” Will says, sort of just to him but to everyone else as well, nudging their knees together and prompting him out of his thoughts.

Alex smiles. “Definitely. Can’t have him fifth-wheeling every time we go out, it’ll ruin our reputation.”

Fraser makes a face. “Don’t assume you had a good reputation in the first place, that’s naive. I don’t need a girlfriend.”

“Boyfriend, then,” Will says. “It’ll be your turn to mope next, and we can’t have you being all lonely too.”

George glares at him without really meaning it. “Really subtle, thanks Will.”

“Can’t deny you were moping though, mate,” James says. “S’like the sun’s come out a bit.”

“The sun was always out,” George says. “Maybe you lot just had your eyes shut.”

Alex laughs, all properly and with his whole face. It wasn’t that funny, George thinks, but maybe they’re right. It’s nice seeing them be happy.

 

*~*

 

Breakfast kind of ends the way most things do with them - abruptly. Will knocks a glass off the table and it shatters into pieces, a piece of glass flies up and hits George’s cheek, slicing across it like some kind of superhero movie. Alex breaks into uncontrollable giggles and James does too, and really, Fraser is the only one among them who remains only sort of calm.

It all feels absolutely normal, George thinks, pressing a napkin to his cheek. He’s sure there’ll be no lasting damage, but it cut deep enough to sting, and bleed more than he expected. Will’s split himself halfway between fussing over him and passing out until Fraser makes him sit down.

It doesn’t stop him worrying, because he asks things like, “Does it still hurt?” every five seconds. George answers the same each time, and it’s both heartwarming and heart wrenching.

A waiter clears up all the glass within seconds, and another supplies a steady onslaught of tissue and water and a box of plasters too, but they decide to just leave. Fraser nabs a couple of plasters and a few more tissues on their way out, and James apologises between laughter. Will grabs onto his hand and doesn’t let go.

Alex makes them stop about five paces out of the cafe, laughing so hard he almost falls over. Will makes a face at him.

“It’s not that funny, Al, you’ll make me feel bad.” Alex sits himself on the low brick wall behind them, lining someone’s driveway. Will sits next to him, and George sits next to Will.

“Sorry, it’s just… it looked so stupid,” Alex explains, choking down giggles. “Like some reverse effect and the glass just flew up.”

“I’m glad you can find joy in my suffering,” George says.

Will turns to him immediately. “Is it really that bad?”

George smiles, huffs an exasperated laugh. “No. It barely even hurts.”

“But it’s bleeding loads,” Will says. “Are you sure?”

“Really sure. It’s hardly bleeding, you’re just worrying,” he says, taking the tissue away. “It’s slowed down loads.”

Will frowns, looking to Fraser. “We should put a plaster on it.”

Fraser nods, “yeah, we could. Here-”

“I don’t need a plaster-” George tries to say, but Fraser’s already unwrapping one and turning George’s cheek towards him. “You’re all overreacting,” he announces once Fraser’s smoothed it out, and Will’s rubbed a finger over it a couple of times worriedly.

“Not at all, mate,” James says. “You had a medical emergency.”

“I had a shallow cut,” George says. “Not a big deal.”

“Had the potential to become a big deal,” Will says.

“At least you look super hardcore now,” Alex says. “All rugged tough man.”

“Right, because Hello Kitty plasters totally say rugged tough man,” George says, sarcastically, “cheers, Al.”

“You’re demonstrating both your soft side and your tough side,” Alex declares. “People love that.”

George looks at him, disbelievingly. “That sounds absolutely bullshit.”

“Just trying to make you feel better,” Alex says, like he’s holding a white flag. “You know, after this traumatic ordeal.”

Will groans, and George flips Alex off.

 

*~*

 

Alex disappears off that evening, and Will ends up curled on their sofa again, wrapped up in George. He’s not sure how it happened, but he’s not complaining. Every now and then, Will’s lips brush over his forehead, to the point that George thinks Will doesn’t even know he’s doing it. He’s on Twitter, George can see out the corner of his eye, watching silly dog videos. He can feel Will’s chest rise and fall whenever he finds one funny.

He kind of loses himself in that, in Will’s breathing and his heartbeat and his body heat. Just sort of… existing there, and that’s enough.

Will says, “haven’t uploaded in a while,” like he’s breathing whispers into some place he shouldn’t.

“You?”

“You,” he says. “Been about a week. Bet your Twitter mentions are full of it.”

George grimaces just thinking about it. “Yeah. Probably. Should probably upload, shouldn’t I?”

Will hums. “Don’t have to. We can just do a collab if you want. Reddit videos. Easy content. Easy views.”

“Yeah,” George says. “Could do. Tomorrow. Dunno if the bandana would cover this fucking plaster.”

“Why not leave it in? Would get you comments, that’s for sure. ‘Big George Memeulous wears Hello Kitty bandage.’,” Will says, “there’s some clicks in that.”

“Bit cheap, monetising my injury.”

“Nah, people’ll eat it up. Besides, you said it wasn’t that bad.”

“‘Cause it’s not,” George says, “I’m absolutely fine. Tough as nails.”

Will laughs, his hand reaching up to curl around George’s hair. “I am sorry, though.”

“Dunno why,” George says, leaning into Will’s hand. “Not your fault that the glass fell like it did.”

“But I knocked it over.”

“Cause and effect,” George says. “Its not your fault, Will.”

“You can’t stop me being apologetic,” Will says, so George just kisses him instead.

It’s perfect. Things always are when Will’s concerned.

“You know how you said you properly loved me this morning?” Will asks, pulling back far enough that George can look at his eyes.

“Yeah?”

He sees Will smile. “I properly love you too.”

“Yeah,” George says, whispering like he holds all the secrets to the universe. Like they do. “I know.”

“You do?”

“Mm. It’s a bit obvious now I have my eyes open.”

Will laughs breathlessly. “Is it?”

“Like Alex and James, just worse,” he says, grinning with Will.

“Is that even possible?” Will asks. “There’s no way we’re worse than Alex and James.”

“Mhm. Only been about two weeks, as well.”

“We spend nearly every waking hour together,” Will reasons, “logically, we’re about a year into this relationship.”

“Relationship?” George repeats.

“Well, yeah. Thought we were boyfriends.”

George smiles, looking away like he’s embarrassed. “Yeah. Boyfriends.”

“Does this mean I can break out all the nicknames now?” Will says. “Since we’re boyfriends.”

George blushes. “Depends what they are.”

Will just smiles, all conspiratorially, and George finds himself caught up in it.

 

*~*

 

It’s a month exactly after they first kissed when Will takes him back to the same club.

They don’t dress up for it, and it feels a little bit stupid and childishly nostalgic, but George loves it all the same. Will gets them a double order of chips, and a pint of beer each, and they pretend like it’s a restaurant date.

George supposes it looks a bit odd, sitting at a bar in hoodies that have their names on and picking at fries whilst the whole world moves around them. But he decides he doesn’t entirely care. The whole world might be living around him, but Will is sitting next to him, and that’s miles better.

It feels a bit like everyone is waiting for something to happen, like they’re on the edge of a breath and trying to breath out. Tension thick enough to swim through but he’s not sure why.

Will’s toe keeps prodding his ankle, and George doesn’t think he knows he’s doing it. He watches Will tip ketchup over the fries, even though he can see how it’ll end, and laughs when an avalanche of sauce flows out. Will blushes high on his cheeks, red blurring across the bridge of his nose.

“S’fine,” he says, “I like that much,” even though it’s a blatant lie.

“Yeah?” George asks, raising his eyebrows. “Sure. You know you have this thing you do, when you’re lying. Like a nervous tick.”

Will scoffs. “No, I don’t.”

“Yeah, you do,” George says. “You blush, and you grimace.”

Will laughs through his nose. “Not at all. You ought to stop spreading lies about me. Lies and slander, that’s what this is. You, dirtying my good name.”

“Already done that,” George says, laughing with him. Will flips him off, grabs a napkin from the dispenser at the end of the bar and attempts to scoop some of the sauce up. It doesn’t work that well, just turns the napkin a sticky mess, but it makes George laugh harder.

He wonders sometimes about how he ended up here, sitting at a bar in a club, watching his boyfriend scoop up ketchup on a napkin. It’s a hopeless attempt, and he makes sure to tell Will so. Will just smiles at him, giving up on scooping it out. His eyes go all soft and melty (George really hopes he doesn’t look at Will the same way), and puts his elbow in the ketchup-y napkin.

“Oh- shit, fuck, shit-! George, help-!”

“Shame you wore a light jacket,” George says, lifting up Will’s arm to get a look at the sleeve. It’s probably entirely ruined, he thinks, because ketchup doesn’t come out that easily.

Will groans. “Don’t say that. What’s the damage?”

“Not great,” he replies. “Should probably take it off.”

“Fuck’s sake,” Will says, shrugging out of the jacket. George giggles, pulling it out of his hands and flattening the sleeve across the bar for Will to see. He doesn’t say anything, just breathes out heavily.

“Might be able to get it out,” George says. “Maybe you can make gross red stains a thing. Bet some people would wear it.”

“Would just look like I had a really unfortunate mishap with a stab wound or something” Will says. “It’s not exactly fashionable.”

“Well, not necessarily,” George reasons. “You could make it fashionable.”

“Think I’d just end up getting convicted on murder charges,” Will says. “I’d rather not do that.”

“Maybe. Just ask Twitter or something. They’ll tell you.”

“They’d rinse me,” Will says. “Absolutely obliterate me.”

“Like they don’t already,” George says, reaching over Will to grab a chip. Will just pokes at his jacket and sighs.

 

*~*

 

He retweets a picture of Will’s jacket once they get home, once Will has gone back to his apartment, and once Alex has finished quizzing him about it (and once George has finished quizzing Alex on the amount of bruising on his neck). It looks worse than it did in the club, so he replies with ‘ _this happened when he elbowed a napkin of ketchup_ ’.

Will replies with ‘ _thought that was gonna be kept between us cheers mate x_ ’.

George scoffs, tapping out another reply, ‘ _what us and the other 100 odd people out there too_ ’.

Will continues the thread with the middle finger emoji, so George just likes the tweet and stops replying to it, instead tapping across to his timeline and scrolling through it until Alex comes in, buzzing around like an annoying fly.

“You alright?” George asks, after watching Alex pace around out the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, just-” Alex starts, sitting next to him on the sofa. “Just…”

“Just…?”

“Just do you think James and I are a good couple?” Alex asks, quickly, like the words are splitting at the sides.

George puts his phone aside, sitting up and frowning over at Alex. “Yeah. ‘Course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Alex shrugs. “I dunno, I just… Do you think he really likes me?”

“He wouldn’t date you if he didn’t.”

“What if he’s just trying to get my- my views, or something. ‘Cause everyone, like, ships us,” Alex continues, “And now we’re acting more like a couple _and_ I have these fucking hickeys all the time, and views and interactions on videos are going up, so do you think he’s just in it for the attention?”

“What- no. No way, Al, have you ever met James?” George asks. “There’s no way he’s doing it for the attention, mate. He loves you. And if you want less hickeys, then just tell him that.”

“Are you sure?” Alex says, desperate. Like he’s been thinking this for a while.

“Dead serious. He wouldn’t do this for the clicks. He’d probably delete his entire channel if you asked him,” George says. “He loves you. It’s obvious he loves you. Besides, if he wanted views, he’d date me or Will, not you.”

Alex frowns at him, inhaling sharply and exhaling shakily. “Yeah.”

“You two are more in love than me and Will,” George says, shuffling over to pull Alex into his side. “Yeah?”

“You two are totally worse.”

“Yeah, alright. James wouldn’t be like that if he didn’t love you, mate,” he says. “Seriously. Take your own advice and talk to him.”

Alex sighs. “Yeah, should do. Are you and Will in love, then?”

“Don’t change the subject,” George says, nudging his shoulder into Alex’s. “Yeah.”

“He’s good for you.”

“James is good for _you,_ ” George mirrors. “Can’t help feeling a bit sorry for Fraser though.”

Alex giggles. “He’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine at some point. Thanks, G.”

George’s lips turn up at the corners. “Anytime, mate. Figure I owe you a heart-to-heart anyway. Should get you licensed for therapy given the amount you helped me last month.”

Alex makes a face. “Maybe we shouldn’t. But you don’t owe me anything.”

“I’ll always owe you,” George says. It feels like something he should whisper, something he shouldn’t tell anyone, just in case. Like a promise he can’t quite keep, or speaking something into existence that wasn’t there before.

“It’s all just friendship,” Alex says. “You’re contractually obligated to help me.”

“Funny how I don’t remember signing that,” George says, and Alex laughs, and things are okay for a little while longer.

 

*~*

 

They haven’t been dating long, George thinks, when Will curls into him on the sofa in his apartment and says, whispering, “I don’t know how to love you,” like he’s holding the key to all the secrets in the world.

Maybe two months, that’s what George would guess. A lifetime in two months.

“You don’t have to know,” he says back, and the words feel all sorts of volatile and dangerous. Like they’ll explode if he holds them to a flame. “You’re enough.”

“You’re more than I deserve,” Will tells him, apprehension and insecurity jading his voice, turning it dark like tar and thick like molasses. “You deserve more than I have.”

“Who’s to say?” George says. “Why does it matter? I love you, and you love me. We don’t need to know how. Existing is enough, isn’t it?”

“There can be more. There should be more.”

“More what?”

Will just sighs. He says, “more of everything,” instead of replying properly, which George supposes is enough of a reply regardless.

“Loving is hard,” he says.

“Living is,” Will corrects him, speaking words into the silence without really speaking at all. George supposes, in retrospect, he knows exactly what he means. He thinks Will knows too, that they both understand each other, and there’s something freeing in that. They both know. That living doesn’t have to be this, or that, and that perhaps, floating aimlessly through it is better than anything else, because at least then they can be whoever they are.

There are missing jigsaw pieces in every puzzle, George tells him later, once the sun has gone in and the moon has blinked her eyes open, but just because they’re missing, doesn’t mean they aren’t whole. Doesn’t mean they can’t be whole in pieces.

 

*~*

 

Days begin dawning brighter.

George breathes easier, lives easier, loves easier. Alex smiles more too, spends more time round the flat with James. Love looks good on him.

Some days, it feels like they’re both learning how to live around each other again, learning how they each fit into the pockets that have been made for them, now that everything is different. But George would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. Some days, he thinks change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Maybe it’ll only be a bad thing if he makes it one.

Will kisses him good morning and goodnight, and twice on the days when he misses one. He brings round the newest version of Just Dance and a six pack of cheap beer, and they stay up too late, getting too drunk to play it. He sends George texts whenever he does something new, things like ‘ _tried raw tuna today. Gross_ ’, and George gets to make fun of him.

Alex develops a habit of spamming the group chat whenever they fall asleep on each other,

taking as many photos in weird angles as he possibly can. George takes the initiative and starts doing the same with him and James, because it’s only fair.. Fraser tells them he mutes the chat until they all get out of the cupcake phase, claims it’s gross and annoying. George has to google what the cupcake phase means, but he knows Fraser doesn’t mind. He knows he still hasn’t muted their chat, too.

It’s not smooth sailing - it never is. But it’s not like white water rafting anymore. And things are more okay than he realises. Than they realise. Time catches up to all of them. It always does, it always will. George thinks he’s beginning to welcome it.

 

*~*

 

They get there in the end.

Life suddenly starts getting easier. George blinks, and breathes, and feels like he’s living, like the world has up and started again. For real this time.

Will takes him out for lunches, and for dinners, and drinks at two in the morning at the pub down the road because neither of them can sleep. Some days they go to the cinema and they film hop through the entire day, and some days they go and get kicked out for kissing in the back row like horny teenagers. Once, he took George out for afternoon tea, and they both turned up in scruffy hoodies and joggers, and almost weren’t allowed in, and maybe that’s the best part.

He’ll book train tickets down to the coast and only tell George where they’re going by the time they’re on the train, and he’ll buy teddy bears and greasy chips and cans of cheap beer. Will’ll make them miss the last train home, so they’ll get the bus and get off too early, and ballroom dance the rest of the way home.

Will books tickets on a tourist bus for their six month anniversary, and they sit on the top deck all day, even when it rains. The route finishes a forty five minute tube ride from Canary Wharf, and George buys a packet of Maltesers and a Dairy Milk bar from the station. Will ends up stealing all the Maltesers, and it’s all kinds of absolutely perfect, George thinks. He decides that loving Will is less like a storm, and more like a million things at once. Love is more like a million things at once.

He still doesn’t think he knows what to do with it. But he thinks that’s okay. Maybe he’ll never know, and maybe that’s okay too.

**Author's Note:**

> told myself i wouldnt write for these two and yet here we are anywya, i dont remember writing this, it kind of just. happened.
> 
> a thing ive noticed happening a lot in fic is the Main Character has a problem, and then all the other people drop everything to help them and i didnt want that i wanted to write where everyone helps everyone, because theyre friends they gotta support each other. so i tried to do that. 
> 
> also i hope u managed to pick up on the time frame okay, it doesnt exactly jump about but its not very specific. i havent written people falling in love in a while so sorry if its shit lol. hope u liked anyway


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